Years ago, I worked with a guy who seemed, in a very real way, to be allergic to complaining. I would arrive desperately needing to vent about the douchenozzle who had cut me off on the drive over, and he would interrupt my tirade with an irrelevant turn of phrase like, “You win some, you lose some.”
It. was. infuriating.
Basically, I wanted to strangle him constantly.
In retrospect, however, I was probably a bit insufferable back then with my incessant moaning and groaning. It would be years before I would read the above Eckhart Tolle quote and realize (a) I was playing the victim and (b) his words make so much sense!
Truth.
Speak up, walk away or accept it. Just try to argue with that logic!
And yet, I’m willing to bet you’ve complained about something today. Perhaps even several somethings.
And this, despite the fact that we take slow steps away from the curmudgeon in the grocery store line making a ruckus about how long they’ve been waiting.
And the fact that we ask to be seated far, far away from Aunt Pat at family dinners so we don’t have to listen to her drone on about her ulcerative colitis.
We don’t like complaining (or at least we complain that we don’t), but most of us do it anyway.
And all without realizing that it locks us into negative stories about our own self-efficacy. If we are always lamenting how victimized we feel by our lives and circumstances, how will we ever be empowered to take action to achieve our dreams?
Real talk: we won’t.
There is a mental landscape in which manifestation thrives and big dreams come to life. And in that place, there’s not a complaint to be seen for miles.
Dr. Joe Dispenza says we have become addicted to our negative belief patterns because they feel safe and familiar. The hormones of stress give the body and brain a rush of energy — just like a narcotic. People become addicted to that feeling, and they begin to use the problems in their lives to reaffirm their addiction.
In other words, they will literally argue for their own limitations.
If your body has been conditioned to the mindset of victimhood, the moment you stop thinking those thoughts and producing the chemicals that make you feel that way, your body is gonna screech, “Woah woah woah, wait up, I modified my receptor sites for you. Where’s my stuff? Don’t hold out on me, man!”
In other words, change won’t be easy, and your body may actively try to sabotage you. But you don’t get a six-pack from sitting on the couch playing video games, and you can’t successfully grow the life of your dreams in a garden full of weeds.
So how badly do you want it?
Enough to stop complaining?
Great, let’s achieve our dreams together.
Funny isn’t it, that the key to getting what we want from someone else is to ask for what we want?
Not to hem and haw, mumble or speak in code that hopefully the other person can decipher between the lines.
And yet, we don’t ask. And then we don’t get it, and we complain about it.
So, in your everyday life, start asking for what you want — clearly and directly. (If you struggle with whether this is “polite” or “appropriate,” remember you are teaching others that they are free to do the same).
And in your manifesting life, setting crystal clear intentions is just as important. Then, you get to the fun step of imagining how you’ll feel once they’ve all come to life.
Sometimes people complain when something good happens. This is because the good thing is smaller than another good thing to which they feel they are entitled. As in, I won the lottery, but they took half of it in taxes.
The correct response to this scenario is:
HOLY SHIT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT I’M SO EXCITED THIS IS SO CRAZY . . . HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY?!
Any time something good happens.
To create fertile soil for achieving our dreams, we must remember to be grateful when we open our eyes in the morning and when we tuck ourselves into bed at night. And we should certainly be grateful when something good happens to us, even if it’s tiny in significance.
One of the most challenging times to practice gratitude is when you most want to complain. You might want to stomp your feet and shout about how unfair life is, so me making this suggestion means I’m cruisin’ for a bruisin.’
But try it. Just once. It. will. change. you.
Try going a day — or a week — without complaining. Be as mindful as possible during this time. You might keep a tally of hash marks, noting the number of times you have the urge to complain and resist. Also, notice your triggers. Is there a specific time of day you tend to complain more than others? (I call this nap time). Are there specific people with whom you’re more inclined to gripe?
This exercise will help you learn to avoid these triggers moving forward. In some cases, we complain to validate our worth to others. “I’m so busy” is a good example. We often say it to subtly communicate our importance. Try to be aware of when you’re tempted to complain in exchange for a dopamine hit of validation. Because the endgame really is to live your entire existence without requiring that validation.
Only then can you build your beautiful life.
