The Ghosts of Identity Crises Past

Two years ago, I thought I said goodbye to my Inner Critic forever.

It turns out, however, I’m just better at staving off breakdowns than I used to be. What once occurred quarterly now appears to have a two-year timespan.

I’ve realized by now that the life of a multi-passionate is peppered with reinvention. I just expected more of the ‘lite’ version — a gentle pivot into a different branch of the same industry, for example.

What I have encountered instead is the full-on existential crisis version.

(I want a refund).

What’s most crazy-making, though, is that the stories that come up each time are the same.

Whatever the era, whatever my circumstances.

No matter how much wisdom I’ve gained or how many new skills I’ve learned, the Ghosts of Identity Crises Past sound like Aunt Ida on an insanity loop in my private version of hell.

And also, they’re mean.

Here’s who has been showing up in my formerly peaceful musings.

The Real Ghost of: You Have Nothing to Show for Your Life

“STILL!” this ghost shrieks. “Two whole years since the last time we pointed this out to you! Do you have a single thing that proves that you even deserve to exist?”

“What about conquering my fear of public speaking and presenting at that summit?” you ask.

“Sorry, did you say ‘cured cancer?’ . . . No?!

You’re pathetic!”

~

Or how about this gum-smacking bundle of condescension?

The Real Ghost of: You Quit When Things Get Hard

“You say you want to do work that’s ‘aligned.’ (gratuitous eye roll)

Who do you think you are to ask for it to be easy? Do you think other people get to do work they actually like THAT’S ALSO EASY?! (scoffs audibly)

You can be happily contented and poor, or an overworked stress monkey and rich — only options.”

~

Or this phantom, who heaps on the comparison-itis for good measure.

The Real Ghost of: You’ll Never Be Successful if You Keep Starting Over

“No one wants to learn from you when you’re new,” this one says.

“You’re not even sure what to do next, are you! Time’s a-wasting, and you’re getting further and further behind those 23-year-old influencers who demonstrate how easy it is for literally everyone but you to strike gold.”

Yikes, am I right? Are your ghosts this dramatic? And have you figured out a way to silence them yet?

Because I think during the 153rd ride on this merry-go-round, I may finally be on to something.

I can’t believe that I, we, are all doomed to repeat this scenario for time eternal simply because we love shiny objects. I think it’s much deeper than that. I think we’re driven by a deep longing to do something that feels thrilling and important and that many times, shiny objects are simply a test. The test comes as a distraction that assesses our determination to succeed, or as a way to practice for the real thing.

And sometimes shiny objects are a means to an end.

Until a few months ago, my manifestations were always responsible. I aimed for the career rungs I wanted to reach that would allow me the financial and time freedom to do what I really want.

Did you catch that?

I set out to manifest the things I thought I should do in order to get what I really want.

It never occurred to me to just ask for what I really want.

(My dream desire is a career supported entirely by writing, BTdubs).

It took me a lifetime to figure this out. And now it makes me wonder how many of the career paths I’ve careened down were my means-to-an-end manifestations coming to fruition.

They were exciting while they were new, but eventually, I realized they were. not. what. I. really. want.

Which begs the question: What if I’d just asked for the real prize from the get-go?

So I’d like to invite you today to answer this deceptively difficult question:

What do you really want?

Like, really really . . . in your bones?

Do you even know? Or have you buried it under layers of more responsible pursuits?

Are you spending all your good wishing magic wishing for the wrong things?

And how might it change the course of your multi-passionate life to let yourself receive it all now?

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